A little bit of change...

"The way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to the community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning."- Mitch Albom

Passion is defined as any powerful or compelling emotion or feeling. So far I've mostly posted pictures on this blog, and though it is mostly to share my traveling adventures, I feel like I have yet to use it for its true potential- mostly because I'm afraid to. I've been talking to several different people about certain issues, and I've come up with some conclusions. First of all... I was, and still sometimes am, a pushover. I've established that. It's definitely the person I was in high school, and I still struggle with it sometimes. But I can't be upset with that certain fight within myself, because it defines who I am. With big thanks to a very important friendship of mine that many may believe has changed me for the worst, I've become SO much stronger than who I was. No, they didn't alter who I was because no one has that power, but they showed me a completely different perspective of myself that helped me pull through the weakness I portrayed before. Sure, I've made bad choices. We all have. Some may say they deeply regret the ones that they have made, but not me. Every mistake is just another step you take in life, and without the choices I've made I wouldn't be the person I am now, which for once, I'm happy with. Without my friends...new and old, best and worst...I wouldn't be who I am. All of my life I've been selfish; even when I thought that I gave up a lot for my friends or my family, I did it because I expected so much in return that wasn’t always given...but that I also never deserved. My family and friends are too kind to me, really, and I LOVE them for that. I will figure out a way to give back to them.
It's nearing the end of my internship and I've been living out of the country for only 37 days. I'm 21 and I'm just now digesting the meaning of passion. I took this internship with the culture and experience of it all only in the very back of my mind. The number one reason on my list: to escape home and all of the drama that went along with it. My confession? I was honestly scared to leave, thinking so much about the people I was leaving behind, and mostly about what I was going to miss while I was gone or if I’d be missed or replaced. It wasn't until I read my sister's note she left in the book I was reading that I let those immature feelings go. “Don’t worry about the people you’re leaving. WE will be missing YOU.” I had to get out and soak in the knowledge, and I knew that I would. I also knew that this trip would portray much more than the culture of Ireland, but it would show me something as well.
A couple of weeks ago I met a guy who had just broken up with his girlfriend not even a few days before. Not a truly attractive quality seeing as he was in search all night for a "rebound", but there was something about him that caught me in particular with how he spoke and stared into my eyes, or other girls for that matter. Maybe it was just because he was literally a stranger, but I could sense every ounce of passion just from his look. Yes, it was aimed at his ex, and I'm sure I could find no way to blame him, but the one thing I realized just from this unfamiliar person was how much passion I truly lacked. I push people away when I get afraid, or I'll stick to a person like glue when I don't want things to change. I was scared to move on with life.

Now? I don't know. I find excitement in what's to come: life after college. I'm still not exactly sure of what I want to do, but I've narrowed it a little. I worked a lot today on editing, and I've realized how much I love it. I'm still torn between PR and journalism, but I lean more towards the PR direction, and sometimes I think about working as an editor for a publishing company. One thing is certain, though. A lot of the fervor I've held deep is starting to emerge.

I know too many people who have acted on their desires in all the wrong ways, although they may be the strongest, most passionate people I know.

"If there is no passion in your life, then have you really lived? Find your passion, whatever it may be. Become it, and let it become you and you will find great things happen FOR you, TO you, and BECAUSE of you." - T. Alan Armstrong